fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How external is "for external use only"?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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