if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize