It's Friday. Sex?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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