Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize