i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize