She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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