She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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