If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize