Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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