I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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