Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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