I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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