wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Still dying that you shit outside
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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