It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
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The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize