Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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