There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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