Just fell off a train. Bad.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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