im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I will pee on everything he values.
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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