1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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