She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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