is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize