i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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