Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize