I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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