Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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