Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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