i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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