I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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