It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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