she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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