I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize