there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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