I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize