$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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