so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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