my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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