Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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