No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize