Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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