just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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