I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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