Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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