her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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