I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize