Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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