he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize