I think i peed on brittanys purse
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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