Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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