I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She told me I should be a condom model.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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