Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then my night got REAL pukey
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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